Just because it’s my wedding doesn’t mean you can be rude

Would you ever call anyone fat to their face? Or criticize their taste? Or bring up your assumptions on their sexual history?

For some reason, when it comes to weddings, people think these are ok.

Note to everyone: When it comes to weddings, you can’t say whatever you want.

Some examples collected from my own experiences and heard from friends

1. To woman who had just lost 15 lbs before her dress fitting: You got fat.

2. Your engagement ring is small or ugly

3. If your ring was smaller or cheaper, you would probably like it better. You obviously have bad taste

4. Older lady: They don’t make white dresses anymore because women aren’t little virgins anymore like we were in our generation

5. Get out of my store

6. You look like a princess

7. It’s out of your budget. (I haven’t even told you what my budget is. And if I couldn’t afford it, I wouldn’t come in asking for your advertised special where the price is clearly labelled).

Not to mention vendors who will only talk to either the bride or the groom and completely ignore the other one who is standing right there.

And a few that aren’t rude, just ridiculous, and I like bringing them up because I can:

1. We need a down payment of 75 per cent

2. Get the $1,000 lights or you’ll be eating in darkness

3. You look great in that

4. Just buy a dress already, even if you don’t like it

A kid with her wedding head on straight

So here’s a video of a five year old who insists she must have a job before she ever gets married. Good for her. There’s no explanation behind why this is such a big deal for her, but glad she isn’t yammering about some prince coming to give her boxes and boxes of My Little Ponies and sparkly nail polish.

This is what real brides should be!

Let’s hope this poor, innocent soul won’t get corrupted by this “Princessify-Your-Wedding” business, and will still see the importance of being independent instead of obsessed over wedding invitation fonts or chocolate fountains.

And please, let her get her much-desired job, so she can buy herself her own jewelry, instead of turning into this golddigger who seems to prefer bling over who she marries.

Wedding countdowns must die

Dear every single wedding website:

Stop. Counting. Down. My. Wedding.

I know when I’m getting married. You don’t need to remind me multiple times a day. On every single wedding website I visit. I’m looking at you The Knot, Wedding Wire, and even regional websites!

Like I don’t have enough crap to worry about, you need to throw a deadline in my face.

And why do you say “131 days to MY wedding.” As if anything about a stupid countdown would ever come out of my mouth. And it’s not MY wedding. It’s OUR wedding. Takes two people to get married.

Do Grace Kelly, Kate Middleton and the “princess” issue spawn bridezillas?

"What's all the fuss about Grace Kelly's wedding dress? See the hips on that thing?"

Sure, I agree that everyone should feel special on their wedding day, but I don’t want to feel “like a princess.” Whenever someone says that to me, I picture some 6 year old playing dress up or a 17 year old prom queen trying on a tiara, not a grown woman making a life long commitment to someone she loves.

Example: People are still obsessed with Grace Kelly’s wedding dress. There’s even posts on how to find a knockoff.

I mean, it was 55 years ago and looked really horrible on her. Sleeves are a nice look, especially with nothing but strapless sweetheart gowns out there right now, but why would anyone wear a dress that looks THAT bad in the hips? Does no one else see what I see? There were so many other dresses from the 1950s that looked mighty nicer.

Ivanka Trump’s wedding dress was modelled on Grace Kelly’s dress. But the lace on Ivanka’s is nice and the fit was 1000 times better.

Nicole Richie’s cotton ball monstrosity is apparently also based on Grace Kelly’s dress, though I can’t see how it’s even close to that. Richie’s is much, much worse.

Shouldn’t you get a dress that you like? Not one that your favorite celebrity wore?

Anyway, I think this obsession with Grace Kelly’s dress has to do with the whole “princess issue.” She was princess of Monaco. Apparently brides want to feel like a princess on their wedding day, according to every wedding magazine/wedding store/movie ever made. I don’t know how many times I was trying on a dress, only to have people tell me I looked “like a princess.”

Maybe this is how Bridezillas spawn. They hear this “you are a princess” deal and expect people to serve them when it comes to their own wedding. I bet this whole Prince William and Kate Middleton royal wedding thing might pull a few more Bridezillas out of the woodworks who see that kind of grandeur and think they should get it too.

What do you think? Do real princesses or the “bride as princess” expectation drive normally sane women bonkers?

This groom should run. Fast. From her, and Tiffany & Co.

A screenshot from the Tiffany website shows a 2.5 carat ring, which starts at $41,000. Does this woman need a ping pong ball on her hand to feel loved?

So me and fiance are looking at wedding bands. We went into Tiffany & Co. to compare their offerings to some others that we’ve already found.

So anyway, while we were waiting to be served for wedding bands, we saw this couple looking at engagement rings. The girl points at a ring in the cabinet. The salesman says “this ring is $41,000. Are you sure you want to try it on?”

Girl says “yes!!” and sticks her fingers in his face, ready to try it. Her guy’s heart seems to jump out his throat. Obviously, this poor man can’t afford this ring. But she tries on this huge ring and is obliviously smiling. He should run away. Fast. Obviously, this woman seems to care more about a piece of jewelry than bankrupting her soon-to-be husband. Maybe she’ll get this Tiffany box wedding cake and show her true colors at their wedding?

We looked at wedding bands, and left. Walking through the mall a few minutes later, we see the same couple huddled in a corner with the girl bawling her eyes out. I don’t know what she was crying about. But if it was about the huge rock this poor dude couldn’t afford: What. A. Golddigger.

Another stupid thing we heard there from some woman trying to convince herself her ring was bigger than it was: “I’m afraid if I wear such a huge ring, some robber will come and chop my finger off.”

Hey lady: Why are you demanding a ring from Tiffany if you are too scared to wear it?

How grooms can cope with a bride-centric industry

Remember phonebooks? This wedding magazine is just as thick. 624 pages, and about 75% wedding dress ads. Grooms need a better way.

The second installment in a series of guest posts from fiance’s complaints about the wedding industry.

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Here’s my two cents…well maybe four cents because I’m sure there was a two cent rant in the preceding post. Guys can’t win. Everything is targeted against the guy.

First you do the right thing and give her a nice ring that probably cost you more than you should have spent, but it’s okay because you love her. You don’t want to be a deadbeat fiance and you want to have at least some say in your wedding, especially if you are paying for it. But you can’t, because everything is bride this, bride that. You can’t even go into the wedding dress store because you’re a guy and there’s signs saying you’re not allowed inside.

Imagine if girls weren’t allowed into Radio Shack. It would be smack on the front of CNN, and women would be protesting in front of the store before you have time to refresh this page. But for some reason its ok to do this to dudes. In-fact let’s just make events and venues where the grooms can’t go. After all, they think what guy would want to take part in planning a wedding…just give the fiancee all your money and let her spend it at the wedding show, that you have to pay to get into, but she doesn’t. (This was in the above-linked post).

So my advice guys: be as supportive as you can, and if at any point you get the “why do I have to do all of this by myself” speech from her, just comfort her, and say you are doing the best you can, but the industry just isn’t guy friendly when it comes to weddings, and ask her if there is something you could do that doesn’t involve the word “bride.”

In fact there should be a simple magazine or book, say not more than 10 pages, with no wedding dress ads, or stories about some famous person with a million dollar wedding budget having grilled cheese butlers (definition: a grilled cheese butler is one who walks around your wedding guests at around midnight with a platter of grilled cheese sandwiches cut in finger food sizes, and with little cups of dijon ketchup for dipping. I’m looking at you Chelsea Clinton). The magazines should have no honeymoon articles on how you can go hang gliding on the moon (despite there being no air to lift the glider).

No, just a simple book with real world examples of what guys are supposed to do, and say, so that the bride-to-be doesn’t think they don’t care, but also so they don’t constantly butt heads against the unfair, sexist, and biased wedding industry….stay tuned for my next guest post, where I’ll talk about how to tie a noose…I mean…why do I have to fill out more paperwork to sign up for a gift registry than buying a car…and why is the registry lady so disgusted that I have five laundry baskets.

You’ve got the bridal show. Where’s the groom show?

Here is the first in a series of guest blogs from Fiance! He had so much to say, I had to break up his complaints into a bunch of entries!

This is actually from a garden show. I didn't have a wide shot of a wedding show, but they pretty much look like this anyway

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There are so many blogs, articles, and other propaganda about weddings. It’s because the wedding industry is huge. The average cost of a wedding in the United States is $24,070, and with 2.08 million people there getting married this year, that’s over $50 billion in the US alone.

Now, I’m a guy, so instantly I’m thinking of lots of ways I’d rather spend $24,000. Just think: you could buy 24,000 McDoubles, or 48 iPads. But you want to do the right thing and have a wonderful wedding for your new fiancée. After all, you’ve bought the nice ring, so you may as well continue to ride the wedding bandwagon and attend a bridal show. But hey, wait a minute….why is it called the “bridal” show? Last time you checked it required a bride and a groom to get married…so where is the groom show?

Sorry there chief but I don’t think you’re going to find one. At least be fair and call it a wedding show. It seems everything in the wedding industry is targeted towards the bride….and this entry has me thinking “why is that?” Not only is it discriminatory, it’s downright wrong.

One of the shows my fiancee went to had free admission for brides, but what about the grooms? Well they had to pay $15 to get in. I of course didn’t go because of the pure principle. Apparently there wee only two men in the entire place.

And what’s the deal with having to pay to go to a “bridal” show anyway? You are there to pick vendors like banquet halls, photographers, cakes and DJs, so why do you have to pay to talk to someone who you might end up giving money to later?

It’s like paying to walk in a mall, or having a cover charge at Walmart. Now, don’t get me wrong. I understand that the show’s organizers have to make money, and they probably have to pay to rent the venue, etc. But they’re already making money from vendors who rent space at the show. Let them pay when they rent a booth or igloo or whatever they need. And maybe that will mean I’ll have to pay a little bit more when we get a chocolate chandelier, but at least I’m getting something out of the deal. Instead you have to pay anywhere between $10 and $25 to just get into a show to talk to vendors, only so you can walk out with brochures and they can collect your personal information and constantly call you back about their “contest.” And of course when they call they’ll tell the bride-to-be (because again, like the groom gets to win anything) that she has won something special. The kind of special you win where you get a “free” trip to Las Vegas to hear a guy talk about a timeshare. And of course everyone “wins” the same prize…nuts.

A silly wedding and engagement ring “quiz”

Apparently my ring reflects my personality. Even though I didn't choose it.

Stumbled upon this link to some wedding quiz. But when you look at it, it actually has no questions at all, so its not really a quiz.

It’s called “what your engagement ring says about you.”

There seems to be a whole bunch of other pseudo-psychology wedding analysis links online like:

What does your wedding dress say about you
What your wedding colors say about you
What your wedding song says about you
What does your wedding date say about you
What do your wedding invitations say about you

Do you really need to analyze this stuff? How about you just pick what you like and be happy.

You know what my engagement ring says about me? Nothing, because I didn’t choose it. And I sure don’t know a whole lot of women who chose their own.

How does the style of your ring reflect the type of wedding you’ll have and the type of man you’re marrying? That link seems to think it does.

If you have a square engagement ring, apparently it means your fiance treats you like a princess. And your marquise cut rings means that he puts you on a pedestal. A heart shaped stone means you don’t think less is more.

Anyway, my round stone means I am marrying my best friend. Aren’t there a lot of people who say that? I guess they all have round stoned rings. These blurbs are all as vague and universal as horoscopes.

I understand if you want to have some sort of fun quiz for the guests at the actual wedding, but these pseudo-psychology things are just plain made up. No science, and what would science do with time-wasting wedding stuff like this?

Bridezilla stampede at Filene’s Basement

So some brides sharpened their claws, put on their war gear, and trampled over people to get into a war zone the Filene’s Basement running of the brides supersale in New York today.

They say they can get $10,000 dresses for $500. But you gotta run from the bridezilla stampede. Look at the video above. It turns into something that looks kind of like a riot at 1:30.

Do you believe some of these people go there with entourages, a strategy, and trade up their dress kitty for more? And a bridezilla-in-training bought a dress and doesn’t even have a boyfriend…If she’s like that now, I don’t want to see her when she’s choosing invitations.

But sales like this aren’t worth it. Here’s why.

#1: The $10,000 dresses actually look worse than the cheaper ones. Believe me. I’ve tried them.

#2 I don’t want people gouging my eyes out so I can get a dress that is 5 sizes too big and will cost a fortune in alterations.

#3 Sample sales have old, ugly stuff. I went to one of those convention centre sample sales from one of the biggest bridal boutiques in town. The dresses looked like something Courtney Cox/Monica Gellar would have worn on “Friends” circa 1992. WAY out of style, faded yellow, damaged, and size 18+. If you want to do a sample sale, go to one at an independent store, not those warehouse madness things.

#4 You have strip down in front of strangers. And if you go to one of these high-profile sales, you gotta do that in front of TV cameras. Remember that guy who used to wave at you creepily when you’d walk by his house on your way home from school? He’s now got a shot of you in your bra on his TiVo.

#5 What’s the point in getting a $3,000 dress for $500 if you’ve gotta deal with all of the above?

Weeding out clueless jewelers

So I’ve discovered a quick and easy test to find out whether your jeweler is clueless or actually knows what they’re talking about.

Avoid ones that say your engagement ring is ugly.

I went into a small jewelry store and asked for wedding bands so we can start comparing prices. Fiance wasn’t there yet.

Owner showed me the mens’ rings and suggested that I consider some from a catalogue that were brand new and hadn’t arrived yet.

He said they have a different finish on the edges and look nicer on the finger compared to the others in his store.

“Describe how it will look different,” I asked.

He points at my engagement ring and says “better than that.”

lol.

So he is saying his $350, plain wedding band will look better than my diamond engagement ring from a well-known jewelry boutique.

Seems like he doesn’t know what he’s talking about, which makes me wonder what he’d try to sell me. But I’m pretty sure he’s actually well versed in his industry and is just trying to convince me to spend on something sight unseen.

So while he wasn’t outright rude (aside from suggesting my ring is ugly!), he must be crazy to think any customer would believe what he says instead of judging the quality with their own eyes, especially after a comment like that.