Ads for mermaid wedding gowns deceive

I like mermaid gowns. They’re the kind of dress that is tight in the top, all the way down past the hip. Then it flares out at the bottom. But they don’t look good on everyone.

I think that’s why is it so hard to find a picture of a model standing up straight in a mermaid shaped gown.

They’re always leaning

Pronovias Agueda

 

 or standing crooked

Alfred Angelo 2043

 or sitting.

Youlin Y177

 I think they’re trying to mask something because when they’re walking or standing straight, it makes rail thin models look fatter in the hips.

Mermaids look fine on me too if I stand crooked. But I’m not going to develop scoliosis from leaning weird for an entire day to look good in my wedding dress. Probably hard to dance that way or have a good time too.

Model standing crooked while wearing Enzoani Fifi

I’m sure if the models stand up straight it won’t look as good.

Ines Di Santo Sandrine. Looks like a sausage casing

See what I mean?

 Just make the models stand the way normal people stand and brides wouldn’t have to waste their time trying on dresses that already look bad on the model.

I’m not crazy or picky re: wedding dresses. Here’s proof

So, for much of this blog, I’ve been ranting about how I hate every wedding dress I’ve tried on.

Now I want to show you a real-life example of what I’ve been looking for this whole time, not only so you understand, but to reassure myself that I’m not a bridezilla.

I love the dress Jessica Simpson wore at her first wedding.

Clean, flattering lines in the skirt. But it still has embellishment in the fabric so it isn’t just plain. Cinched in the waist (which is my best feature). The skirt flares out at the right angle.

To make this my perfect dress, I’d like the neckline to be softer, less pointy. Maybe sparkle instead of the embroidery.

Apparently, a dress similar to this is too much to ask for. This simple, classic design that transcends time periods is IMPOSSIBLE to get. Trust me, designers’ websites don’t have anything like this. I’ve gone to EIGHT different wedding dress stores in this city. None of them have anything like this. Each store says “sorry, its out of style, should’ve gotten married two years ago.” I’ve tried to see what other stores have, but they have nothing remotely like this. It’s not fun going to so many stores only to be shown dresses that look exactly the same, regardless of the designer.

Going from store to store, I feel like I’m being picky or unreasonable. But am I really ridiculous if I expect at least ONE designer to have a dress that is traditional instead of ugly.?

I blame wedding dress designers who charge $2,000 for dresses that are all copies of each other. No one deviates from the same designs over and over. Because of you, designers with no originality, who insist on ruffles and frills that consume me and look awful, I can’t feel beautiful on my wedding day.

Decided on a dress, even if I don’t like it

So, I need to buy a wedding dress tomorrow or it won’t come in time for my wedding.

And I’ve decided on one that I don’t completely like, that is in a style that I like very much, but it doesn’t look good on me. It makes me look like a size 14. I’m a size 8.

Anyway I have to buy it and that’s the way it is. It was one of the first ones that I tried on, but I’m still not happy with it.

We’ve been talking about getting married for five years. Guess all that patience means I don’t even get to wear a dress that I feel good in.

Is this Dairy Queen or a wedding dress?

Thought I’d show you a picture of a soft-serve ice cream cone dress I tried on by mistake.

There is no way looking at this on the hanger prepared me for the end result.

See what I’m up against? lol. This dress was like $1,500 BEFORE tax and alterations!!

I guess it’s an appropriate shape though. I mean Sarah MacLachlan DID say “your love is better than ice cream.”

Sample sale verdict: bitchy brides hit and miss

Made it out unhurt from the frou frou wedding dress sample sale. For kicks: we snuck a covert photo of this $6,000 Spring 2010 Marchesa cabbage leaf concoction that swallowed me alive.

Do you believe other brides told me I looked “so good” in this?

The lady assured me there were dresses under $1,500 on sale. There were, but they were either stained, or weren’t my style…or that of anyone else. So since we were there anyway, I tried on the $9,000 ones for fun.

There really wasn’t the catfight I expected, more of a subtle sense of entitlement or snobbery.

There were about 4 people trying on massively ruffled dresses per change room, so you had to get over your modesty quick, while making sure you didn’t step on any of the dresses someone else was trying on. One girl didn’t care and kept plowing people down, even though they’re struggling to get into a huge, flower and crystal engulfed Oscar De La Renta marked down to $9,000.

Then there’s the territoriality again. Each person was allowed 3 dresses at a time. This plow-o-mama girl actually stole someone else’s dress while the other girl was looking in the mirror!

After I pointed out to her that the dress was someone else’s she said “no it isn’t,” gave me a snarky look, zipped it up, and walked out, proceeding to tell her friend about how rude I had been to her. Really? Then she’d stand in front of other people looking in the mirror. Sigh. The rest of the women there seemed fine.

Out of about 10 girls squeezed into a tight room, and struggling for mirror time, only one ended up actually buying a dress, which looked fantastic on her. She seemed really surprised that I actually told her how great she looked. Guess she’s dealt with one too many bridezillas too! lol

Anyway, designer haute couture isn’t for me. Celebrities can keep their Monique Lhuilliers that have weird, unflattering shapes for the sake of fleeting fashion and regret their dress choice 2 years from now. I’m going for classic style and good fit instead. I can’t deal with all the weird ruffles and can’t bring myself to spend that much on a dress I’ll wear for one day.

I hate wedding dress shopping

Bless the hearts of patient wedding dress store staff who try their best with someone like me. I’m pretty disappointed with the selection when dress shopping and these wonderful ladies keep bringing me more and more dresses that just don’t fit the bill.

And no, my problem isn’t that I hate trying on dresses or don’t like anything. The problem is that I hate all the 2010 designs. They’re ugly. I know this because I looked at wedding dresses about 2 years ago and saved some screenshots of perfectly tasteful ones that I still love today. Problem is they are all discontinued. Two of the four dresses I have tried on and sort of liked have ended up being discontinued models. So you can only get the floor sample, but they’re always either really damaged, or too small. I really hate 2010 styles. Seriously. Look at what is in style right now. Ridiculous ruffles, too much fairytale frilly poof like this cotton ball Nicole Richie wore at her wedding, or this asymmetrical aberration. And do you know how many moms will freak when they see black on a wedding dress? You may like this shapeless sheet that looks like the designer ran out of fabric or this one that has major static cling. Toilet paper dresses might look better. So now I’m waiting for the 2011 dresses to come in, which, from the magazine, look much, much better. Too bad the wedding dress stores are breathing down my neck, telling me that if I don’t order a hideous thing *NOW* that it won’t come in time for my wedding in 7 months.