Real Housewife Kim Zolciek’s wedding dress: Dismal damask

18 Nov

So up in Canada, the “Real Housewives” shows are on channels that cost extra, so I’ve never seen an episode and never seen the need to download any of the 6,000 permutations of the show. So no clue who this Kim Zolciek woman is.

However, I saw this photo in a celeb mag and couldn’t resist sharing this trainwreck dress with you all.

I assume she was going for a Marie Antoinette look, but all I can think of is that a monster ate up sheets, curtains and upholstery and then threw up this gem.  What is that god awful crumply thing in the hips?!?!?! Ewwww. Ewwww. Ewwww.

I like how her dress is indistinguishable from the curtains in this photo!

Maybe she was going for Scarlett O’Hara’s famous “curtain dress” look. For you youngins, here’s an explanation of what I’m talking about from the old movie “Gone With the Wind.”

I’m sure that whoever designed the first Damask pattern had seat cushions in mind, rather than Zolciek’s $58,000 dress. Damask inventor is rolling over in their grave.

This dress takes the whole concept of “color, texture, pattern, shine”  to a whole ‘nother level.

And an aside: is it just me or does this thing make her look waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay older than the 33-years-old that they claim she is?

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