Regret not sending a wedding invitation: What do I do?

22 Jun

I was best friends with someone for five years. She had planned her “trip” to Vancouver for months. Then 3 days before, she told me “oh, by the way, I’m never coming back.”  I haven’t really spoken to her since, other than small talk on Facebook. It really hurt me that someone would disappear, move 2,600 miles away from Toronto, and not give their best friend any kind of notice. I have feelings you know. It was pretty hard for her to suddenly vanish and I didn’t know how to handle it. 

A couple of months ago, after about a year with minimal contact, I sent her a business suggestion. She sent me an email saying she “kind of” missed me. This made me feel worse. I didn’t invite her to the wedding. Now with two weeks to go, I regret it. She had been my friend for so long. We would have lunch together about three times a week, spend Saturdays together, hold sleepovers, even as 22-year-olds. I’d take the regional train to go visit her out in suburbia. I don’t do that for just anyone!

I don’t want her to be blindsided when she sees the wedding photos posted on Facebook (we didn’t update our “engaged” status). And I do feel like inviting her now, because she was my best friend for so many years. But I feel that with her living on the other side of the country, and always having money troubles, that she wouldn’t have come anyway. And it’s too late for her now to buy a plane ticket and book accomodations, etc.

What do I do?

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3 Responses to “Regret not sending a wedding invitation: What do I do?”

  1. Helena June 22, 2011 at 11:16 pm #

    Ok, I found you via tag surfer, so take my advice for what it’s worth. Anyway, you worry about how she will feel when she sees wedding photos on Facebook, but wouldn’t she already know you are engaged? Do you have that information on Facebook? It sounds like she just dropped out of your life. You take the regional train to see her – does she do the same to come and see you? I know it must be hard to think about a friendship that is “over” but it sounds like she hasn’t really tried to maintain a special place in your life and thus doesn’t really deserve to be at your wedding.

    • unhappy bride June 22, 2011 at 11:34 pm #

      you’re right.

      I told her about the plans to get engaged years ago when she still lived here. We never changed the Facebook status. She now lives on the other side of the country and bugged me for a while to go visit her, but I didn’t have any money at the time, and then the invitations stopped. It does sound to me like the relationship is over. Thank you for making me feel better. Hooray for tag surfer and thank you for commenting!

      • Jennifer June 29, 2011 at 3:12 pm #

        I think you have made the right decision. It is hard to stay in touch and connected in the same way one would be if in the same city, however, it does not sound like she has made any effort to keep in touch. Also, it is okay to be friends with someone when you are younger and to move on in life and accept you have different paths. Weddings are always difficult because there is a pressure to not hurt people’s feelings and to please everyone. You are not a bad person for inviting the people you think deserve to be a part of your wedding and your life.

        Hugs!

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