Inviting bosses or coworkers, but not their plus ones…is this rude?

24 May

This is "The Thinker" by Auguste Rodin. Weddings mean long lists of decisions that can offend so many people so you really have to think about what you do...

Me and fiance agreed we would not invite any coworkers to our wedding. That way we could avoid any hurt feelings that might come up among those who would inevitably learn they are not invited. Our wedding is so small anyway, that everyone attending is either a friend of 15 years, or a part of fiance’s large family (I’m not exaggerating: he has 8 sets of aunts and uncles…add the cousins) its hard to even fit people into the room.

Fiance just started his job a few months ago so doesn’t know his coworkers well enough yet to feel comfortable inviting them to our wedding. I’ve been at my current job for almost a year.  I don’t go out with my coworkers too often after work, but I’d like that to change. Its because I spend most of the time doing weding stuff that I haven’t been able to ask people to have some fun, but no one has asked me either I guess. 

I had a lot of fun with a bunch of coworkers at the baby shower for another coworker this weekend. I’d like to invite them and fiance says he doesn’t mind, but we can’t afford to invite all their plus ones. Inviting seven people from work is one thing, but with all their dates, that’s 14 extra people! That would add about $1,600 to our catering bill that we can’t afford. But 7 people is more doable, and all those coworkers know each other anyway, so its not like they’d be alone. Besides, adding 14 extra people would change our wedding from the “small intimate” event we wanted to something much bigger.

Is it rude to not invite their significant others? One of the people I’d like to invite mentioned a few months ago that she was offended that her BF’s friend specifically said to him “your girlfriend is not invited to my wedding.” At the time, I agreed with her. But now that I’m in a money crunch, I understand why you’d want to do this. I’d be more tactful with my own coworkers, and give them an RSVP card with a “one seat has been reserved for you” note filled in.

The other thing, I really like two of my former bosses who are in other departments now so are no longer my supervisors. They might be my bosses again in the future. Would it be inappropriate to invite them? Does that mean I would also have to invite my current bosses in my new department because everyone knows each other? That might be weird. I don’t want to have to be on my best behaviour at my own wedding. 

How did you guys handle the coworker and bosses situation for your own weddings?

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3 Responses to “Inviting bosses or coworkers, but not their plus ones…is this rude?”

  1. Ariella May 24, 2011 at 10:59 pm #

    This is definitely tricky. I’m all about cutting plus 1’s to save money, but I don’t think I’d cut the plus 1 if it were a spouse or a serious significant other. I think you might be inviting more problems if you invite the coworkers without their date. Personally, I’d be a little annoying if my fiance was invited to a wedding of a coworker without me and I’m incredibly understanding to most situations. Ultimately, the plus 1 might get pissed, take it out on the coworker and now you’ve put yourself in a tough spot at all those future outings.

    I invited a handful of old coworkers to my wedding and invited their spouses or significant others if they had them. The three singles, were invited solo, like the rest of our guests.

    I guess, if they are all coupled and you can’t afford to invite all 14 then don’t invite any of them. I think it would be less drama that way.

    As for your old bosses, if you have a real relationship with them then I’d say invite them, but don’t invite them just because you “might” work under them again. Especially if you aren’t inviting your current boss. If you invite the old bosses, you should invite the new bosses.

    Work invites are tricky, which is why I’m so happy I’m having my wedding in NY. It was easy for me not to invite my coworkers. Now, I work for myself so it’s even less of a problem.

    • unhappy bride May 24, 2011 at 11:10 pm #

      Thanks for this, Its so hard, and I didn’t even think that could make things worse, so I guess we still have a few more weeks to think about it to see if anything changes?? Maybe more people will say no than we thought and the plus ones won’t be an issue.

      And to clarify I wouldn’t invite the old bosses because they “might” be my bosses again, but because I genuinely like them. The “they might be future bosses again” thing was in case that might make things awkward later if they end up being my bosses again and see me go nuts at my wedding lol.

      I’ll let you know what happens! Having your wedding far away has a lot of benefits!

  2. Laura May 25, 2011 at 7:51 pm #

    I really wouldn’t worry about not inviting workmates’ significant others. Our wedding has a strict ‘no plus 1’ policy. The ceremony is only 55 people so people have to understand that numbers are the deciding factor. However, for our evening party we can invite however many we’d like but we still decided to stick with no plus 1’s. You shouldn’t feel like you have to pay to feed, please and entertain people you do not know!

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