Essentially rejected by the Catholic church!!!!

13 Mar

This is me in front of the Vatican. Priests are making it impossible for us to get married in the Catholic church

!!!!!!!!!!!!! Long but worth it!!!

Our priest is missing in action. And another one judges us. Not the way to keep people coming back, dear Catholic church.

We booked our banquet hall in Nov/Dec. We called a priest at the church I went to throughout high school. We wanted to make sure our wedding day was available before putting down the banquet hall deposit. My fiance is an atheist, but knew I wanted to be married in a church, so finally agreed to get married in a church after a bit of convincing. But we said it wouldn’t be a mass so non-Catholics don’t feel excluded.

Priest’s secretary said there was space on our day so we put down the banquet hall deposit. Priest said to call him back after Christmas because he was busy. He has been M-I-A since. We called a few times in January, couldn’t get a hold of him. Called in February, said we’d have to meet him on Sunday (He called on Saturday) because he was leaving for a trip. My friend who had drive 4 hours from another city was in town, and I couldn’t cancel on her only hours before.

Then I got the flu and bronchitis and a cold, so I was locked in my home for about 3 weeks while he was on vacation (Still recovering). Called priest this Friday. No answer. Remember, this is FOUR MONTHS after we first tried to make contact.

Here we are 3.5 months before our wedding. We have to order and mail invitations!!!! We can’t do this until we cement our ceremony time and go to a Catholic marriage prep course (essentially conflict resolution camp). So we can’t mail. This is jeopardizing our guest list! We have family coming from France, Italy and Switzerland. We planned on mailing our invitations four months in advance. Now we’re not even gonna get two months. Will take mail two weeks to even get to Switzerland…The guests will be here before they even get an invitation.

We went to another church today. We pleaded with the priest there to marry us. When we told him our wedding is in July, he got this judgmental tone and said we should’ve come to him a YEAR in advance. Our engagement isn’t even a year long. We’ve been together four years. Excuse us for not wanting to wait anymore. Priest told us to make an appointment later this week. Even though we’re standing in front of him, after the last mass of the day that fiance sat through even though he doesn’t care. Priest wouldn’t even check whether the church is available on our wedding date. Said we just have to come on a weekday to find out. It doesn’t matter that my fiance works a two hour drive away, and can’t get back into the city until 7:30 p.m. on a weeknight.

Our last resort is going to be my cousin’s best friend. A young guy, about 30, who just became a priest. His church is out in the countryside, so we can’t go there, but we hope that he can help us navigate the city priests. Yes, YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO CALL IN FAVOURS if you want to get married in a Catholic church.

I’ve been a good Catholic. We didn’t live together before marriage and we’re good people. We were ready to take your marriage prep course. What was the point of being a good Catholic if you don’t even want to marry us, dear Catholic church.

So I think I need to change religions. I spent all this time convincing fiance to get married in the church, now the church sends us away. Protestantism looks pretty good right now. My neighbour is an Anglican minister, but he’s very very sick. Otherwise we’d get him to do it. Other religions would love to have new members, I’m sure.

If asking a Catholic priest who is a friend of my family to pull strings doesn’t work, we’re stuck finding another place for our wedding ceremony. Frankly, a non-religious location is looking better and better right now. But good luck. Everyone’s stupid “one year rule” waiting period makes it hard to do anything. And every place is going to be booked. Maybe the community centre will be free. They could squeeze in our ceremony between a yoga class and mommy-and-me swimming.

This is why we tried to take care of stuff months and months ago. So we wouldn’t have this situation. Thanks for nothing!!!!!! Realistically, I bet we’re going to have to do our ceremony at our banquet hall (which I really, really, really don’t want. It is so far from my house and I really wanted to take pictures in my neighbourhood. That’s not going to happen now either).

For a church losing members, with increasingly bad publicity, you’d think they’d be jumping up and down, salivating over ANYONE even remotely interested in being married there. Instead they put up ridiculous barriers that are actually jeopardizing our wedding. You’ve turned me off Catholic church. No longer interested.

The only reason we’re calling in the favour now is just so we can have ANY venue at all where we can have our ceremony.

Some way of making people want to stay.

I took this picture when I saw the Pope in Rome in 2009.


7 Responses to “Essentially rejected by the Catholic church!!!!”

  1. Ariella March 13, 2011 at 10:28 pm #

    Ugh I’m sorry. I’ve been reading a lot of stories like this. One blogger moved out of the apartment she was living in with her fiancé just so they could get married by this pastor. It sounds like you want to have a religious ceremony but have you thought of having a friend or family member officiate? Maybe someone you consider to be a spiritual role model? It might be a good contingency plan if you’re willing and if you know someone who would be also.

    • unhappybride March 13, 2011 at 10:32 pm #

      Yeah people have suggested getting a friend to officiate, but even if we do get someone, I am worried about finding another location that isn’t already fully booked 😦

      Having your fiance move out so they can get married=so backwards. They should’ve left the pastor in their dust too.
      Lots of other churches are fine with it…

  2. cris of kiss my tulle March 15, 2011 at 11:49 pm #

    Why are people moving out? Why not just lie? I mean, isn’t moving out essentially lying?

    Also, try a park or a museum or a loft or a cool store as a venue. Start calling and explaining your situation – you never know who’s willing to host your ceremony. Also, try craigslist – lots of quality places post there.

    • unhappybride March 16, 2011 at 12:21 am #

      Don’t see why anyone would move out! I tried calling about 15 alternate places today. Either full or don’t allow chairs (we have a lot of seniors coming, we can’t make them stand!).

      And another place today thought it was funny that we were calling with three months to spare. Why is it so funny that we are stuck with nothing?

  3. Nicolette June 9, 2011 at 1:07 pm #

    oh my fiance and I are trying to get married in the catholic church and we are both catholic and grew up in the church and we are having the same problems plus our priest is very forgetful and we spend our 30 min to an hour meeting waiting for him to find all the stuff he needs to give us. So not what I thought marriage prep would be in the church. He gives us work and then says here. go do it call me when you are done and no discussion about the work and he even forgets about the work we do, And none of the prep really has anything to do with marriage and working together it’s all about getting married to have children and bringing them up in the catholic faith and the marriage to be a good representation of the catholic church that’s it. Through out this whole thing I just feel like we are just a big inconvenience and all the church really wants is money because in the end it is going to cost us about a grand to get married in the church after all these marriage prep classes that we have to take that they say is considered a donation when you pay for these classes, I am sorry but they are not donations if we are required to pay it and the classes are not cheap and most of it has to do with having kids and sex not so much marriage. I told my fiance after this i am probably going to leave the church because what they tell the public isn’t really who they are. I am so angry at the catholic church.

    • unhappy bride June 12, 2011 at 9:04 pm #

      you’re right. So far this is the same kind of treatment we’ve received. For us its the secretaries that are the issue, the priest is totally fine when you can actually get at him. We go to our marriage prep course this weekend, so I’ll tell you how it goes. My cousin took the marriage prep course in San Francisco and said it was all conflict resolution. Hopefully ours will be the same in Toronto. I’ll blog it. Good luck with your ordeal. Let me know if there’s anything I can help you with

  4. Bonfab January 29, 2014 at 12:25 pm #

    Yes. This could be my story. Atheist fiance who supported my desire to get married in the church.

    But with unanswered emails, voicemails, lost documents, rude priests…..And the wedding in 3.5 months, we decided to go for a civil wedding.

    It”s cheaper, less stress and easier! All it took was a txt message to a judge to confirm the date! Fabulous!

    And that”s perfect because we have guests coming from overseas. So now we can actually be good hosts. And save money for our future, too! 🙂

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